Tuesday, October 23, 2007

American Perspectives

While in America, I had some interesting things said to me or near me. I'm not making these up.

  • Josh, I'm sorry I left you here, but tonight I saved a man's life. I saved a man's life. Well? Well? Aren't you going to ask me how?
  • I don't give a damn whether I see you or not.
  • Who's going to save me from myself...
  • I saw a woman comb her hair with her cellphone.
  • I'm all retricated.
  • Why, does she look like one? Well, she's bisexual.
  • See, my roommate had to start prostituting herself because she retroactively lost her job because of Hurricane Humberto three weeks before the hurricane didn't strike here.
  • Well, they opened up a location in town, but if we didn't drive all the way out here, we would have missed the atmosphere.
  • Yeah, I sell insurance too.
  • The tree broke the back windshield and caved in the roof, but I kicked the roof back out with my foot.
  • I'm so glad you're coming back to us.
  • I'm a f*$%@# Native American! I own this country! I have rights! I have rights to sleep everywhere I want! This is public property! F2#%@# you! (Said near me not to me).
  • The cats are puking everywhere because they see the suitcases.
  • Well, there are rules of engagement we have to follow. If they throw rocks at me during the day, and they are young, then I just shoot them with a BB gun. They're just playing around. But if its night time, I shoot out their knee caps. That whole country's football game is ruined.
  • (After an incoherent shout in a Discount Smokes and Liquor) "Um, that means duck."
  • Cause all I know is I'm nothing to you...

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