Cult Fresh Meat mmmmm!

Cult Fresh Meat mmmmm!

"Pain!"

Tuesday evening I came down with a stiffness and soreness in my left big toe.  I iced it up, but that didn't seem to help.  I did some research, and the first thing I came to was a possible stress fracture.  I babied it on Wednesday and it felt better Thursday.  Then Friday morning, it was back hurting as it had.  It was hard to even walk.

I was supposed to move Saturday morning but had to push it back because of rain.  So, I took the opportunity to go to the doctor.  I was still convinced that I had a broken toe somehow.

The doctor looked at it, touched it, and mumbled, "memluhbablh arthritis."

"Huh?"

"Gout."

Eh.  Gout has to be one of the ugliest words in the English language.  It so ugly in fact that even try to avoid is phonetic cousin "grout."  Gout. which occurs mainly in men, is caused by a buildup of uric acid in the joints.  This uric acid causes little crystals to form on the joints, which lead to pain and inflammation.

Anyway, he wanted to x-ray to be sure it wasn't broken.  So, I limped over to the x-ray room.  The tech had me sit on the table and then contorted my foot and toes in such a way as to not care if it was broken or not.  In fact, after he finished, it hurt so bad that I thought if he hadn't been broken before, then it certainly was now.

I limped back to the doctor's office after a few minutes.  I saw an x-ray of my foot up on screen.  He started in a chuckle, "Your foot is very big but your skeleton is small."

I thought, 'So he's saying I have a fat foot?  Great.'

Then, he wanted a blood test to confirm his diagnosis and to give me a shot to bring down the inflammation.  So, I limped over to the injection room.  The nurse took my arm, applied a tourniquet, slapped my arm a couple times and shouted, "Pain!"  Then, she plunged the needle into my arm and took my blood.  She gave me a piece of gauze to put over the hole in my arm and shooed me back out into the waiting area.

"Por minutes," she said.

So, I wanted "por minutes" and was called back into the office.  "Hip injection," she said as she ushered me into a curtained area.  She closed the curtain and repeated, "Hip injection."

I know enough Konglish to know that by "hip" she really meant my butt.  She came back with the needle and said again, "Hip injection."

I undo by belt and drop my clothes just enough to let her do what she needs to.  She pushes my shoulder down so I'm leaning across the table and says, "Relax."  Then, takes a cold alcohol swab across my skin a few times.

My almost 26 years of experience as a patient didn't prepare me for what came next.  I'll just say it, she slapped my ass.  She slapped it four times.

"Relax," said firmly between slaps.

"I would be more relaxed if you weren't slapping me," I replied.

With little warning, she shouted, "Pain!"  Before I knew it, she stuck me with the needle.  I didn't feel the needle as much as I felt whatever cold liquid she put inside my buttock as it began to spread out.  Then she grabbed my hand and placed it over a piece of gauze where she had just stuck me, "Hold one minute."

I tried to hold, but I was laughing to hard to do it proper.  My bill came to W11,000 (about $10.80) and included the exam, x-rays, blood work, ass slaps, and the injection.

When I got home, I checked and found what the doctor had been trying to tell me:  metabolic arthritis.  that's the medical term and actually sounds much better.  I might even suggest that a simple abbreviation of M.A. be used.  Whatever you call it, MA hurts.

Free Services at the Great Wall

Some South African friends I've made here are going to China in June.  I was looking through my photos, and realized there were so many that I took and I didn't blog about.  So, I'm going to begin an occasional series where I post a pic or two.

First up is one that really made me chuckle.  Coming after my encounter with the heavy-handed Beijing Police, I was very aware of the presence of the government.

The sign starts out by saying "Your Welcome" in advance of actually helping you at all. 

And then if you look closely at the bottom you'll see one of the most valuable services of all:  free propaganda.

I love you China!

Anything is full of nothing

A Geek in Korea has posted a great pic of a Korean vending machine.

A Korean sobriety check

A sobriety check on a Tuesday night in Gohyeon. In Korea every night is a party night.

"Hen" is what happens when

"Hen" is what happens when a 8 year old Korean girl assigns names to a character. This is not my fault.

Get out of my way!

Sometimes in Korea, there are just those days where everything gets to me.  This was one of those days.  Following are some one-sided conversation I had in my head with people I met today on my way to and at Home Plus.

• To some teen boys I passed on the sidewalk (I actually said this one aloud):  Really?  Did you really just throw your juice boxes on the ground and walk away?  Really?  How old are you?  When Koreans call "China peopore" dirty, doesn't that really just mean dirtier than you are?
• To the lady who ran over my foot with her shopping cart in the produce section:  Really?  Did you really need to run over my foot to get to the green onions?  I think they would have been there after I had moved my foot.
• To the nervous looking employee who was pacing back and forth near the paper goods aisle and ran into me:  Really lady?  Is your pacing around, not helping people so important that you had to run into me?  Sorry I got in your way.
• To the guy who was breathing over my shoulder while I was in line at the CGV movie theater box office:  hey guy, if I can smell your breath when you're standing behind me, you're standing too close.
• To the lady at the box office who shoved her arm and money in front of me as I was ordering my ticket:  Lady, the place is not very busy and the next movie doesn't start for twenty minutes.  Wait your turn and you'll still have plenty of to go buy your roasted peanut butter squid.